When we last left off, Isabel was home and it was Saturday, October 5. The one thing left off from the last update was leading up to her discharge at the hospital. This struck me just now as we sit in the hospital room again, after seeing the same nurse. Nurse Neil, a portly British fellow with a great sense of humor, always with a smile on his face. He has a very warm and caring presence. We always enjoy when he is Isabel's nurse, plus how can you not like a British accent?! Anyways we were sitting in the room waiting on some medicine to flush out her port so we could take it out and go home, Neil looked at Ivey's facial expression and sat next to her and asked "what's on your mind?". She told him that all she could do was worry that the same thing would happen. They would go home, get comfortable, have Isabel in good spirits, only for her to get a fever and end up right back in the hospital. He tried to reassure Ivey that Isabel needed to go home, and that they wouldn't discharge her if they thought she would be right back in the hospital. Going home is essential in order to fully recharge physically and mentally. Another thing to remember is that when Isabel came in last week, her white blood counts were 0. As we stood there on this Saturday evening, Isabel's white blood counts were above normal levels! So the immune system was like a rested army ready to storm the beach per say lol. Ivey and me sat and talked after Neal left, we basically concluded the same thing, just gotta take it day by day. Enjoy the times that Isabel is happy and smiling; it's all we can really do, just have to keep telling ourselves that. It was getting increasingly difficult with each new hospital visit, the daily reminder that our Isabel really does have Cancer. The thinning of her hair so quickly was another glaring reminder that the fight was indeed on.
But let's continue with what can only be described as the moment after a hurricane hit, and you see that first glimpse of sunshine again. To say that Isabel was acting like her former super happy self was an understatement. It seemed that being home indeed recharged her angelic energy. She just brightened up the house. All who came over couldn't help just smile the whole time they were around her. She was on constant joke time., making funny faces, dancing, singing, doing silly voices, and my new favorite (disclaimer: Isabel does not watch Jersey Shore) doing the "YEAH BUDDY" like Pauly D. I sat there in awe at times with how well she was taking all of this. I know it would be easier to explain it by saying that she is only 4 1/2 and doesn't really grasp how serious it is. But that would be underestimating Isabel, and I have learned that doing that, would be quite foolish. Hmm on second thought that sentence might come back to haunt me when Isabel is a teenager. I can hear it now................Papi why can't I do that, when I was four you said never underestimate me........................I'm 16 i'm an adult lol. But that will be a welcome argument over the ones now about letting me take the bandages off.
I would love to sit here and go over the joys of each and every day. But honestly they almost merged into one positive, soul reviving, laughter for the mind, ease of stress- day. Isabel got to go out to eat. please bare in mind, that her mother obliged with tremendous trepidation lol. But she took the proper precautions and had her wear a mask, brought hand sanitizer, and had Clorox disinfecting wipes for the tables. Although Isabel didn't have much of an appetite for Mexican that night, never the less she was excited to be out of the house. She welcomed a play date with her "favorite" cousin Ty ty and her only female cousin on my side Lily. This was on Saturday October 12, a week from when we were sitting in the hospital worrying, and fearsome that any day we would have to rush her back to the hospital because of a fever.
On that note we did have one day of brief panic. It was Wednesday and I was spending the day with Isabel. The morning went off without much fanfare. When I got to Ivey's house I chilled in the basement while I waited for Isabel to wake up. This was about 8:30.............hours passed and Isabel was still knocked out. Around 10:00am I woke her to let her know Papi was there, also to check her temperature. It read 99.2 nothing to worry about so I went back downstairs and watched some TV. Another an hour or so later she was still asleep. Just as I was about to go back upstairs to check on her, I heard her in the bathroom. Finally she woke up I was getting antsy from wanting to enjoy her company. I had her go brush her teeth and when I was giving her the toothbrush, I felt her and she felt kinda warm. I took her temperature and it read 101.5 (S***), I knew what that meant straight.... to the ER. I started going into action like it was a pregnancy and her water had broke lolpre prepared suitcase... check, snacks and games.....check, arts and crafts.......check, my messenger bag with laptop.....check. As I gathered everything by the door I went and got another thermometer, this one looked a bit more expensive. Oh by the way during all this I had called Ivey, and started the conversation in the most calming and reassuring way. Me: "Call the hospital now we need to rush Isabel NOW.......................oh BTW its just cause she has a fever and the chart says she needs to go right now" lmao. So it did take a minute to calm her down after my initial blow to her day. I explained that she was acting normal and had just woken up and I took her temp and it was 101.5. She asked how did it shoot up so much when just a couple hours ago it was relatively normal. Maybe I had a bad reading since she was half asleep and the thermometer wasn't all the way under her tongue I guessed. So I had her call the cancer ward to give them a heads up like we had been instructed to do. Luckily like all things medicine she had to wait. The line kept ringing and she couldn't get a hold of someone. She called me back in a half panic and asked what should we do, go straight to ER or try and get a hold of the cancer clinic to see what they say. I told her I was about to check her temp again but to call and let them know the situation. So here I am in a calm panic and having worked up Ivey who was frantically calling the hospital. No more then 2 mins after I get off the phone with her and go over to check Isabel's temp. I got a huge sigh of relief the thermometer now read 100.2. I did a double take clearly I was getting a another bad reading. So I proceeded to check it 3 more times. They all came back the same 100.2. Fairly soon after I concluded that the other thermometer (the cheaper one) was giving me an inaccurate reading. No way could her fever have come down 1.3 degrees within half an hours time. As I called back Ivey, I was able to start the convo a little more pleasant this time. "Stop calling the hospital..............were at 100.2 it was a false alarm.................and yes I took her temp 4 times lol". We both agreed to wait an hour and see where we were at. I'm happy to say that the rest of the day went off without any more scares. Isabel and I got to enjoy playing dominoes and doing her homework. Of course while watching sponge bob (always on the tv) square pants.
Fast forward to Saturday and Papi and Isa got to go out on a date and go to the movies. Isabel couldn't have been more excited that we were going to the movies to see Puss n Boots. She had a glow since that was one of our things me and her always go to the movies. One of the reasons I really loved having a kid was that I had an excuse to see cartoon movies lol. This time was a bit different, Isabel had to wear a mask, especially going to a crowded place like the downtown Silver Spring movie theater. What I did to hide it a bit was I wrapped her scarf around her mouth as to hide her medical mask. Didn't want to make it so obvious. As we sat in the theater I got to lift the arm rest so that she could lay on me to watch the movie. I can't lie I started to tear up thinking about how this is our Papi and Isabel thing. We had been going to the movies just me and her since she was a baby, and right there i started to tear up and get really emotional. It just hit me how glad I was to have her next to me with such a level of excitement to be out at the movie theater. I started to replay the last month. The long hours at the hospital, the impossible nights of trying to catch up on sleep, the pain she had endured; it all came crashing down on me, the severity of it all. Just when I was letting it sink in too much, Isabel leans over and gives me a kiss on the check and tells me "Papi I love you". Just like that she snapped me out of my brief moment of sorrow. Although each week seems to be repetitive, its moments like that which get you by. Its those small 30 secs of time that can refocus you. Just the smallest glimmer of happiness in your kids eyes lets you know that you can get through this. Even with each passing day, more and more of her hair falling out, she could still make a joke about it. How could a 4 yr old be able to deal with this with such zest? Where did we as adults lose this ever lasting half full attitude? How could I help her hold on to that for as many years as possible? Simple, sometimes its ok to act silly and be like a kid, just have fun every once in a while, not because you schedule, but because its ok to just not think at times and just have fun.
"The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions? The little, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment, and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial feeling."
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
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